ranting

broke broke broke be my motto

to echo through the eternity of bill collectors and high gas prices

god hath not forsaken me but certainly he doth torture me

in an attempt to satiate his quest for control

by taking away that which your comfortable with to show you the world as it is

a land of battle where both sinner and saint battle, not against each-other but beside each-other for we are all brothers

some simply fall quicker than others

so as i lay awake

this case of insomnia i lie in wake of

i wonder, if money is transitory, why bother

if matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration why not simply create

create a new eden, an eden to squelch out the friends in digital ages, the soda pops, the endless buildings

tear it all down

there needs to be enough eden to go around

but alas thats not where our souls are bound

so shoulder to Hitler and Gandhi and push back the tide if only to keep us for a moment longer in this concrete desert

12 o'clock and alone

My self

my self

my self

my own

my oh so lonely only

my life when shes not around

my life to which i am bound

forever missing her when she is gone

forever joyus when shes around

forever and ever

forever and ever

forever and ever

life of a coke man

Hair a mess, just been dressed

eyes bloodshot from all this stress

no one to talk to

none to hold

your job makes you ever old

paranoia creeping in

is this gods punishment for all your sin

thinking of your loverlies in bed

that thought alone fills you with dread

for another twelver in a cue

stocking, ordering, in painful shoes

and hey it's still three hours before anyone else gets up

you picked your poison coca-cola man not quit your bitchin' and man up

With out words to describe

Behind my mask no more,

I found someone to be with forever more,

Someone you can handle seeing the alien i really am,

Someone who needs nothing of money , bright lights, or glam

I actually miss this person while she's away

Both my love for and thoughts of her grow each day

She's is someone i'd willing shed my life's blood for

Yet the first person who's love it's not required for

No more dwindling down my hopes and dreams

Hoping a land of peace, the new path leads

No more crying

No more fighting

No more dying on the inside

So now i must reside

In the house that love built

Becoming a "more" man while my heart adamant

That i may actually survive this crash landing on earth with my happiness intact

                                             Best Regards,

                                                                  Love Struck Alien

Welcome To The Brain Drain

Alone yet resolute
Lonely but no longer a failure
Craving someone, yet too scarred to see my options
Happily away from the one who caused me harm
my soul now free to wander towards whatever future goal god has set me towards
Though I realize that her betrayal has irrevocably altered my course
I shall simply seek to prove myself to the only person i should have been to begin with
myself
I will become a ravenous and selfish beast and for this fact alone I know what that means
more loneliness, less sadness, less drama, less caring if I offended an endlessly upset girl
yet no hugging, no kissing, no one to wake up next to, no one to pour out my love towards


But hell at least we weren't married when she started fucking someone else

Simple request

unaccomplished
alone
naked in a swarm of maggots as my soul simply tries to rot in peace
discontented by the slings and arrows that tore me assunder
discontented by a death that was birthed by someone else

why must my heart hurt for others misfourtuune
why must my hand be slapped for others misdeeds
this death was meant for them not I

It wasn't me who stole from you in the early years
It wasn't me who killed you're son
It wasn't me who ignored you for so long that you thought I was deaf
It wasn't me but I must go on draped in their garb and surrounded by the smell of their demise

I simply ask you give me the strength to pull my helmet snug and fight my way through their drauma and malign misfourtune.

a simple request but one that carries the burden of a thousand generations with it

.................................

As i step further down the path that is my life i have to ask myself and now, in essence, you why? Why do I feel nothing, no darkness in night no brightness in day, no anything.................it's as if a while back someone simply pulled the plug on my heart. I can't feel love anymore than saddness.........the only emotion that can be expressed is anger! anger at the losses of life, anger in the losses in love! It's as if i tried to bleed all my bad blood out and found that all of it lay on the ground, that all the hope and light I once held lay right beside the darkend sorrow, that all of me is gone, that all of me.............maybee im just crazy, maybee ive just put up walls because of all the heart break i felt earlier in life, from the fact that i legitmatly fell in love with people who felt it was a frivalous word, maybee i was crazy all along and now im finally sane..................maybe i just wanna feel....................maybe maybes are frivalous words thrown out when a persons to scared to go down that dark tunnel, maybe im crazy for thanking im crazy, maybee were all crazy, maybe just you are for reading this. im going to find out, im going to light the dark tunnels with napalm and see what demons come scurrying out............................... i like that idea use my only emotion felt to route out its brothers...................nite i gotta lot to thank bout n i gotta figure out how to light a torch!

ARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

ARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!! This world with all it's disgusting ironies, sycophantic dillusions of power at the cost of it's soul makes me want to explode with rage! I want the hate i hold inside to erupt out of my soul and flood the world with it's sickening taste! i want it to burst dams flood streams and destroy all that society built! Society, ha more like a Convulted facism based on the false princible that we are not important that we are not unique that we do not need to feel anything outside wat they program into us with television and music, the we are to become all one being in the image of our destroyer in the image of our own dillusional selfrightousness! Burst the dams blow the buildings to rubble and raise all that mankind created in smoldering rubble so that we can finally have no more connection to ourselves, so that christ can piece us back in his image, let his skillful carpenters hands rebuild the world in a way that none of us could ever begin to try.

his prayer

God watch your child this night
watch him and hold him
keep him as your own and let him know no fear
let his sin wash away with the tides and be carried to oblivion

let his soul merge with your just for tonight
let him see what you see just for tonight
let him feel no pain, like you, tonight

let him see no more evil so his heart pause in its quiet trepidation
let him hear no scoffing so his mind will stop its self-loathing need to be one of these fallen cretons, these saddend judas's
let him feel no shame so his soul will stop tying itself in knots to the sound of its tears falling at the loss of it innocents at the hands of a world with nothing but death to offer

why must he stay here for this sad vacation when all he wants is to go home and get some fucking sleep
why must indure this pain that threatens his his very sanity for a pathetic word called life when no life touches this infected soil, this rotted killing field
why must he shed his heart for people that only use him to further themselves at his loss
why must continue this struggle when home coming is only a bullet and a barrel away
why

Dad forgive him for his transgrestions and bring him comfort for his continued sentence in this hell

for his sake
watch him
hold him
heal him
love him
tonight

i cant think of a title call it "just read it"

Death will be the only thing that saves you in the end . No undone sin or unspoken scoff, no rule left unbroken could ever save you! Nothing in this ever changing, ever insulting, ever self centered world could ever come close righting the insurmountable wrongs we have wracked our fathers heart with! We have spit in the face of the only man that will ever love us, the only man that will be there for us no matter our predicament, we have spit in his face and beat his son to death and yet he still stays by us! Nothing in our rotting wrags our derlict belongings could ever be concidered a sacrifice that would clear our debts! Death, death is the only saving grace, the death of our fathers son for whom we are not even worthy of concidering our brother but more a trancendence of our fathers love! i tell you now that we should concern ourselves with the here and now for all this is dying, we should concern ourselves with the death that brought life, from the spilt blood that caused the earth to quake, with the crown that no man could bear, with the crushing saddness our father felt at the loss! You go to your beds and dream of your promotions and the girl that made eyes with you! I go to house that my father builtfor me with his own hands!

tiny timber

The time is told by the ticking tumblers on the tiny timber door that traverses through the threshold to the truest tribrutary of this soul.
The trouncing thumping tone of the traducers timlessly trepidate my temperance and try my tenderness to test my trancendence as they turn the tide and the tone of my term with their timeless trouncing upon my tiny timber door, that takes me to turning points trifiling treverse.
They trepidate to triumph that which traps them and tenures their hearts, to turn themselves loose to trancend to their own transitory relief.
Truly whether triumph or terminent the traducers will try to trepidate till their trap rings true then this timid heart will be tossed and they will track new tokens to tax, new turkey to tool out their transitory touch of trancendence.

ode to a fallen angel

You were my angel, once, but oh how you've fallen.
You use to cause my heart to beat.
Now you've left it taterd and broken
you once were my love to keep,
now you're just my hearts defeat.
You're the little girl who decieved me.
you're the venom that's stopped my breathing.

But the joke's on you, I cured myself.
I raped and pilliged my own heart.
It will be my hand on the blade that tears my soul apart.
It will the fires of my own endless tides of remorse that will cause my heart to harden and my soul to bleed.
You wanted to be the main attack.
Honey doll you're just the second act.
so sorry to disappoint you
angel

My ears are bleeding and my hearts is needing

The echoing tides of change are causing my ears to quake and bleed as my heart turns upward to fufill my wants and needs.
For I know the way the tides are flowing will take to planes of reality I should not be going.
But alas what can I do?
Father, my dearest friend, what should I do?
What would you have of your loving son?
Tell me dad what must be done?
To stop these perverse and corrupt nay incidious and ungodly tides?
Tell me Father, tell me Lord, tell me dearest and truest friend.....

The Shoulder Man

 It's been six years since my demonic we'll just say "experience" and yet even as i forget and lull myself in the day to day humdrum life of and mid-twenties family man there ar still the  rare moments when i can FEEL him, I foolishly thought he'd left, that after scaring me to the point of fainting and causing two accidents he'd left. But alas I still feel his presence, his haunting dead plastic eyes bearing down on me. feel the weight of him like the day he had pinned me to my bed and even now i can see that grin. that grin, the grin of a ma...creature that had slipped fully into madness. a grin that stretched too far to be human and yet that was just want he wanted. a fake dead face to let me know he was n't human, no not some burglar looking for cash no a real lurking predator waiting for me. waiting for me to get in the perfect place to hurt me. I lucked out in those accidents nothing serious and no injuries, i think that's why he's still around, waiting for the day that my constant feeling of dread, my constant shoulder glances, my constant fearful hiding will have caught up to me that i will be transfixed on my shoulder man and miss some frontal danger. My dark Follower to watch my untimely demise withe sickened glee, with his fake dead  smile

i only hope my family won't be there